A Brief Historical Background
When I initially started this assignment, I was unsure about what to do. I am not really a part of a specific subculture that I deemed “interesting” enough or “engaging” enough that piqued my interest. Sure, I could pick something like Harry Potter or maybe even true crime as the subcultures I belong to. Instead, something else popped in my head that I wanted to talk about : growing up a “mixed- kid”. I wasn’t even sure that the concept could be categorized as a subculture, but it actually is. Mixed-kids have the constant struggle of never fully feeling like they belong to either culture. We feel a constant game of tug-of-war with expectations, stereotypes, and internal struggle. I’ve seen multiple Tik Toks, YouTube shorts, and skits that highlight the shared growing pains of being raised as a mixed-kid. Hopefully I am able to share my personal experiences from an insider perspective to provide a clearer picture of the wonderfully confusing world of being “Black-ish”.
I was born into two completely different dominant cultures. I am Black/African-American from my mother’s side and I am Filipino from my father’s side. Although they are polar opposites on the surface, they actually have something important in common: colonization. Colonization has shaped both cultures immensely. The United States has historically been shaped by the mixture of multiple cultures being introduced onto the land (Britannica, 2019). From the Native Americans who were here originally to the British colonists and African slaves who built this country, there has always been a “mixture” occurring. This trend continued throughout the United States with the introduction of even more immigrants as the years progressed, introducing even more cultures. This eventually led to the false magical facade of a harmonious “melting pot”.
African-American culture was created from the experiences and pre-existing cultures and traditions of African slaves from long ago as well as aspects of European culture that were present from the British. New traditions were created and ironically enough, mixed-race children were too due to the horrific Masters having a tendency to rape and father children with their slaves. Even now, Black culture is something that is difficult and complex to explain, particularly because it means something different to each Black person.
The Philippines was also heavily impacted by colonization, especially from the United States and Spain. When Spain colonized the Philippines, it left an imprint of Spanish culture in the country that can still be seen today with our languages, food, culture and more. This caused the original Indigenous people’s culture to be squashed and almost eradicated. This only worsened when the United States took over after the Spanish-American War (CSUN, 2020). The United States continued to have control of the Philippines until 1946, when the Treaty of Manila was finally signed, giving the Philippines its independence (CSUN, 2020). But by that point, American influence had bled and seeped into the threads of Filipino culture. Mixed-race children also became more common, with Filipinos having children first with the Spanish and then with the Americans who were present due to the military bases on the island.
The Push-and-Pull
Hopefully that highly oversimplified summation will provide a clearer picture for the next highlighted aspects of my subculture. The first aspect is the constant deep rooted sentiment of being the “black sheep” or the “where do I fit in?” feeling of being pulled and pushed between the two cultures. Even before I was born, being mixed was an important characteristic of mine.
My Filipino side of the family was concerned because my mother is Black. Although she is very light skinned and looks mixed herself, they were nervous that I could turn out “dark” or “Igorot” (an Indigenous group in the Philippines that for some reason is used as a negative term and is seen as savage or wild). “What about if it is a boy?”, “What about the hair? It may be kinky.” My Filipina grandmother even told me later in life that if I were born a boy, they would have opted for adoption because “we know how Black boys here [America] turn out”. My Black side was the same with ludicrous questions and statements such as,
“What if the baby comes out Asian?”, “Why couldn’t you find a Black man instead?”, “What if she turns out like them?”.
This subculture is highly specific in my opinion because I noticed that there is a distinct difference between a mixed-race child who has African-American as one of the races in comparison to other mixed-race children who do not have African-American heritage. I think because Black culture is so strongly embedded in United States culture, it has a different level of impact on the child psychologically and emotionally. Especially because of the multiple wrongs Black people have endured from all sides. This creates a level of bitterness and apprehension when an Outsider is brought into the group (black man/woman marries outside of their race) because of the rooted fear of negative repercussions resulting from this choice.
I can understand this level of fear to an extent. One, there is a fear that Black men and women are marrying outside of their race in order to “stamp out” the black part of their heritage. Two, a “comparison game” occurs, whether purposely or accidentally. There is a feeling of competition between the cultures, like one is superior for whatever reason the respective culture deems. This creates that push-and-pull dichotomy I referred to earlier.
As I grew up, I felt the constant push-and-pull from both sides of the family. My Black side wanted me to be more Black oriented while my Filipino side wanted me to be more Filipino oriented. One blessing of this (although it should be the norm) was that my Filipino side accepted me lovingly and unconditionally, which I know isn’t the case in many Asian cultures. I know there is a stigma in certain Asian cultures about marrying outside of your specific Asian ethnicity. My Filipina grandmother loved me from the moment I was born and until the day she died.
My mother’s parents love me as well, I just never developed a close relationship with them because there was always some level of disconnect happening between us, even now. I was thinking about that and decided to interview my mom about it. I asked her, “Why do you think your parents don’t acknowledge your child is mixed?” She said, “I honestly don’t know. Maybe they just don’t feel the need to label it.”. I then asked her, “How has having a mixed child changed your parenting habits?” She responded: “I always wanted you to fully embrace both sides of your culture. I made sure that you spent time immersed in both, but I also wanted you to be cognizant of both positive and negative aspects of each. I wanted you to realize that the world will only view you as a Black girl because that is what they see physically. Although I know you are both, others don’t know.”
She was right. From non-Blacks, I look and am Black. But to a majority of Black people, they almost always lead with the “what are you?”. Even if I say Black they proceed with, “yeah, but what else?”. I always experience a constant stream of me having to explain and justify why I am, in fact, Black when all I want to be is Ashleigh. Why is that so difficult? My last question to her was “Do you love me for who I am?” My mom said: “Absolutely. I love you with everything I have. Everything about you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.” Cheesy, but I appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. My mother has always been my cheerleader and supporter.
Language Directed Toward Mixed Kids
There is a specific language of the mixed-race subculture. However, it is a double-edged sword. There is language that is directed toward us rather than language that we use ourselves. I remember a time in middle school when I became very upset because a kid in my class would constantly call me “Blasian”. I absolutely hated being called that. I still am not a fan of the term today.
From people on the African American side, a constant term used to describe mixed-kids is “light skinned” or a bunch of light color-related terms. Now, this is common in Black culture for non-mixed African-American individuals, especially women. I spoke with my cousin Naiah, who is fully Black but is light skinned with naturally auburn hair. I FaceTimed her and asked, “Have you ever had an experience with people thinking you were mixed because of your light skin tone?” She responded: “Yes, I experience it daily. The other day, a man argued with me that I can’t possibly be fully black because of how I look. Even though I clearly said that both of my parents are full Black.” There is a level of colorism being displayed here. Despite the fact that Naiah is fully Black, she and I are treated the same. A constant barrage of ignorant terms being slung at us. Terms like Oreo, Casper (the ghost), milk, dulce de leche, mestiza, whatever is a candy or item that is two toned, you name it. These terms are funny to those who use them, but harmful and detrimental to those of us who hear them constantly. I am tired of it all the time.
Lastly, I asked her, “Do your parents or other family members make comments about your appearance?” Naiah responded, “Not as much as they used to. But they would say things like “you need some sun”, “you light up a room”, etc. Our other male cousin would make constant remarks about her appearance and give her nicknames until she would cry and be distressed. My grandfather has gone as far as to say vile things such as “You all definitely descended from house slaves”, implying that the reason we are lighter skinned is because of the known abuses and rapes that occurred by White slave-owning men to Black women house slaves. So, clearly although this language in the subculture is directed towards mixed-kids, it stems from the use of this language for lighter toned African-Americans in general and the problem of colorism.
There is also the term “mestizo/a” or “mestiso/mestisa” that is used for mixed-race people in Filipino, Hispanic, and Latin culture. Sometimes it is used as a simple statement that someone is of mixed-race, but there is usually an underlying implication in it. This probably came from the Spanish colonization that occurred in the Philippines. There are many times when my friend or a family member on my Filipino side is explaining something from back in the Philippines or a particular person. They always have to state “you know X, the mestisa one….” or “well obviously it’s like that, they are mestiso/a”. It’s almost like that person cannot exist without it being noted that they are mixed-race, not entirely Filipino.
It feels like they are the “exception” to the standard. I notice that it is even more prevalent in recent times and the media, with a majority of Miss Universe or Miss Philippines being mestisa. A lot of media outlets point out that certain singers, actors, models, etc are mixed. In Filipino, being mestisa is desired, it is a good thing that the Indigenous blood is being minimized. Look at the definition I found of what being mestiza is to whoever wrote the definition: “ A female Filipino beauty standard, typically described as a beautiful young woman with physical traits non-native or foreign to the Philippines, especially those of Spanish heritage” (kaikki.org, 2021). In 2021 it is seen as a good and positive thing, especially with Filipinos back home. They are becoming more accepting of mixed-race members, even the ones that are half Black like Jordan Clarkson, the NBA player. I wish I would have seen more of that acceptance and positivity when I was growing up and not only as an adult.
Tradition
The “tradition” aspect is intricate because it all depends on the individual’s particular familial situation. For example, I have a cousin on my Filipino side who is also Black and Filipino. Both of our fathers are Filipino and both of our mothers are Black. Despite our similarities in being mixed and having the same cultures and subcultures, he chooses to lean more towards Black culture while I tend to lean toward Filipino culture. Ironically, he looks more Filipino than Black, but attempts to alter his appearance to “look” Black and not obviously mixed.
I, however, follow more Filipino traditions than I do black ones but look more Black. I speak Tagalog fluently and know a lot about family history, culture, tradition, and stories. I want my children to one day know about Filipino culture and understand the language. Even my mother knows enough Tagalog to understand when I am saying something to her and if she sees food, sauces, clothing, articles, movies, recipes, or anything that reminds her of the Philippines or Filipinos, she sends it to me.
On my Black side, I know family stories and how to cook some food. I grew up spending 60% of the time with my dad’s side of the family and 40% with my mom’s. My mother’s side resented that because they felt that I deemed them “less” than my dad’s side. That was never the case. I never enjoyed being with my mother’s side of the family because they would make commentary that made me feel “othered”. Remarks about my intelligence and love of education and school, love of reading and traveling, and interest in things that they considered to be “white” or “Asian”. So why bother when no matter what I did, I would be considered “fake Black” and never truly “get it”?
Artifacts
I would consider my skin to be my artifact. It’s permanent and a visual aid for myself and others about who I am and what I am. They see my skin tone and immediately have conclusions drawn in their head, no matter what the conclusion may be. My skin represents everything that I grew up to be because of its effect on myself and others. I used to be ashamed of the skin I have because I never fully understood myself or where I came from. Since sometimes mixed children don’t look like one or the other culture, they have difficulty feeling normal.I wear my skin proudly and frankly couldn’t care less about what others say anymore, it won’t magically change who I am.
Conclusion
I selected this subculture because I know how important it was to me to have an explanation of not only how I felt growing up, but a way of having others realize that if they felt the same exact way, they weren’t alone. Like I said previously, I wish that I had a resource or media source that showed how being mixed was a thing to be proud of and to not be ashamed and confused about. If both sides love you for who you are, that is amazing. If one side is a little more loving or present than the other, that is no indication of the mixed- kid’s worth. I am privileged to be a part of a unique community of individuals who are the best of both worlds.
References
Author Unknown. (2020). “Mestisa” meaning in Tagalog. Kaikki.org.
Chatfield, N. (2021, September 8). Personal Interview [Phone call].
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Cruz, A. (2021, September 18). Personal Observation [Black African Coalition,
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Editors of the Encyclopedia Britannica. (2019). American Colonies: British and United
States history. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/American-colonies
Rappler. (2015, May 23). Fil-Am Laker Jordan Clarkson talks about his Filipino Heritage.
[Video]. YouTube. aaaaahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4Piiru3LZw&ab_channel=Rappler
Special Collections and Archives. (2020, September 22). American Imperialism in the
Philippines. California State University, Northridge. https://library.csun.edu/SCA/Peek-in-the-Stacks/us-imperialism-philippines
Wolfe, Patrick. (2006, December 21). Settler colonialism and the elimination of the
native. Journal of Genocide Research (Vol. 8, Issue 4). https://doi.org/10.1080/14623520601056240
Learning Outcomes for this assignment can be found here
